June 8th, moving day came and went! This was the weekend that the moving truck was coming to get my precious boxes. You remember the ones that seemed to take forever to pack. Well most of them are now unpacked and most everything is put away. The rest of the boxes will be next weekend’s project. I decided that in order to put the relationship back together I did not want it to be easy to leave. In other words I’d have to start packing over again. Oh yuck! I know it sounds completely crazy but since I have felt like running away for over 6 months and finally initiated it, I knew that at the first sign of discomfort, I’d head for the hills since I’m so very tired from all the unhappiness. I’m worn out at the thought of another argument……I just wanted to work on me and get on with my new life. Free to think and do for myself whatever that might be. Sure it’s nice to have a constant loving companion and I did for many years but sometimes good things come to an end. Close the door and a new one opens……I didn’t realize my new door was a revolving door and this time I want to exit on the right side. Which side is that you ask? Good question. If you asked me 6 weeks ago my answer would have been east but as each day passes I think that good old Tulsa Oklahoma may be home for some time to come.
Well technically I did leave town this weekend but I’m back now. I went on a business trip to Boston with my husband. I did pack (I hate packing) a suitcase last week and I really didn’t know what to expect and how well we would travel together at this point. Like so many things traveling was something we did well in the past. Trips in the past were fun, filled with adventure, relaxation, good food, smiles and laughter. Business trips were busy but still included all the things I just mentioned and I always looked forward too! I felt very lucky and blessed to be able to go and do all the things that I got to do with my husband.
We did get to spend time this weekend with very dear friends that we hadn’t seen in a long time and it was such a blessing to feel their love and support for both of us as we try to put this relationship back together. It was good to get input from outside of our relationship and ponder another perspective. Sometimes we can’t see the forest through the trees, as we get tangled in the vines with our own thoughts. And sometimes we get stuck in the mud and can’t get out without the help of a friend.
I did talk about energy in one of my previous posts and that town is full of it old and new. A lot like what I am going through in my life now. Old and new! How do we reconcile the past and make it work with our future? Is it too much to ask that the best of the old still be there when you want everything to change? Do I really want everything to change? There really were so many things that were good.
I did get the best of the old this weekend as my husband seemed to hold my hand and never let go and I must say it felt good. The loving energy coming from his hand couldn’t have been better! Hand holding was something that we did all the time and I loved it! There was a time a few months back that he took my hand on a walk to help me up a hill and I was repulsed by how dead the energy in his hand felt so much so I wouldn’t let him help me the next time. So it seems we’ve come full circle in the hand holding department and I couldn’t be happier.
We laughed, we explored, we ate good food, we never argued and this made it a great adventure! We did have some time to talk and share feelings and that was a good thing. Yes we did buy more of those useless trinkets, except they will only need to be packed up if my husband decided to leave as they are in his collection not mine!
I am positive that for this moment I made the right decision to unpack those boxes and cancel the move. I am grateful for this trip because sometimes a change of scenery does a world of good. But most of all I am grateful for the fun relaxing weekend as my life for the past several months has been anything but relaxing. Live from Boston…Cheers!