Who am I? Good question, I guess we could start simply with just a name and for most people the name is the recognized part of you, it does become part of your energy field. Maybe it’s your face, sometimes people have trouble remembering names but they don’t forget a face. If you spent any time at all talking to someone, you do remember facial expressions like a smile, a laugh, a frown, the voice and tone of it. But does anyone really know you? Do you even know yourself?
For the second time in my life I was pushed down a path of self-discovery and each time, there were more and more layers peeled, discovery, gratitude, healing and growth especially in the last two years.
At this time there are many in my life going through big changes in relationships with spouses and they are turning to me to inspire them with wisdom, strength and courage. Always with the question, “How did you do that?” My response is, “I just did it”. I jumped into action, Survive, Survive, but I wanted so much more than that, I wanted to live, really live, enjoy, laugh, be peaceful! I’ve been wondering just what it is that I’m supposed to learn here. What does this mean for me? While my story did end up with the peace, love and happiness that I desired for this moment I’m left wondering why so many around me are having so many difficulties and asking for ‘my’ help all at once. It seems overwhelming to think about it.
I have been telling my story over and over again for the last couple months and sometimes over and over again. I suggest books to read (some I still read most days), send cute sayings with deep meanings, ask people to keep a gratitude journal or just a journal where they can vent frustrations. I used my computer to vent frustration, as I have many a saved document that expresses the raw feelings. But tonight I came across my Gratitude journal I started on February 26, 2012 and read all the entries. It brought tears to my eyes as I looked at the dates and read each entry…..I saw that I really did do the one thing that I have asked everyone to do and that is to be Grateful. When I ask people to try to keep this type of a journal in the middle of so much pain and uncertainty, I get a funny look, like I don’t have time for that or what good is that going to do, it won’t solve my problem…….. I am asked how did I find courage, how did I keep it together, how did I make decisions when all I wanted to do was hide under the covers?
Back to my journal, as I read the entries tonight I remember each date, the pain and there in my own hand I was showing appreciation for little things and big things, I could feel the genuine appreciation, I felt the motivation and the posts just kept getting better and better, it was getting easier….WOW! But as I read it what I found was who I am, not just my name and not my face, but the person, the whole package. I had courage, I could find happiness in the moment, I was going on, not just surviving with the tools that I was using, I was digging deep to heal. I was strong. I was determined. I see the compassion I had for myself and everything around me., I found me! I took care of myself in the most loving way, the same way I help my friends. I see that I have good qualities, many of them. I am proud to stand before you, telling my story and I am proud to have had the chance to get to know me! I am humbled by your faith in me and humbled by my faith in myself!
I also found this written in my Gratitude Journal:
Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment!
So now I see why those around me have brought their problems to me, it was for me to understand who I am and how I got there. If you just remain Positive, you will learn to be Grateful too!